This time you will go ..

2008-01-01T19:42:00.000+08:00

2007-12-31T14:16:00.000+08:00

2007 has been an amazing phase for me. Meeting tons of great people who right now, are the people that are important to me. There's been ups and downs, and a little regrets here and there, but that what makes me the person I am today.

I've seen the world in a different perspectives. A chance was given for me to open my eyes wider and realise the important little things around me. I'm truthfully grateful for these chance.

Also, 2007 have let me realise who are my true friends. My babes, even though we're busy with our own things, we would always try to find time for each other and enjoy each other's company without fail. Truly had a lot of great memories with these people who saw me grow day by day. 5 years and counting and I love you babes. Omar, who never fails to be there for me. Even though he always wants me to learn the hard way, he will always give me a hand and pull me up and clean the dirt off me. I love you and have always and will always pray that you get all the happiness in the world.

And I can't help smiling upon witnessing my parents and uncle/aunt, looking at old photos and reminiscing the good times.

2007-12-30T16:00:00.000+08:00

I didn't realise that New Year's Eve would give me the headaches which I'm trying to avoid. Having different groups of friends leads me to the "Who to follow?" question. Next comes the "Where to go?" question. Better still, people will depend on you for the answers. So really, what am I going to choose.

On a milder note, I've decided to get a new blog and since 2008 is just hours away, it would be the purrfect time to do so. Though, I've yet to come up with a name. A name which can last me till I'm old.

Yeah, help me out here people!

2007-12-29T13:10:00.000+08:00

Just when, for the first time, I was looking forward to my Learning Coach class, I overslept.

Yeahh great.
And now everyone's disappointed in me.

I'm craving for Simpang Bedok!

2007-12-26T15:35:00.000+08:00

In a few days time, it's going to be the 1st of January 2008. And I'm not that enthusiastic about anything. In fact, I'm kinda disappointed. Amin, my assistant store manager, will be leaving Wisma for Orchard Parade. Also, I foresee that I'm not going to start school as planned due to the fact that I think I'm financially incapable of having that huge ass sum of money by the expected month. Most probably I'll be starting school in 2009. This will also mean that I have to willingly miss out on Bangkok with either the brothers or with my partners or even any trips out of Singapore to be exact. So no holiday for me in 2008 just work. The fact that I have and need to make so many sacrifices, of course for my own good, I still feel devastated.

Sometimes, I do miss the joy of being dependent on someone.

2007-12-20T20:57:00.000+08:00

I swear I had the worst closing experience ever yesterday. I fell at the doorway and was clinging on the basin and laughing for dear life. Ughh and all Jerome did was to laugh at me. How convenient!

Hari Raya Haji doesn't feel like Hari Raya Haji at all. I spend my day by sleeping and reading Into the Wild. And I had turkeyyyyyyyy! It was delicious.

I know I'm incoherently blabbing shits to you but somehow, this is how I've been and feel lately. Fadly can totally assent to this. I pity the dear boy to go through with this ordeal with me. Though he confidently stated and blamed PMS. I mean, why does everything got to do with PMS? Bullshit.

I've been having a longing feeling to cut all ties for awhile and to feel how it feels like to not know anyone. Just to go through a day without having any responsibilities or obliged for anyone, to be judge or to judge, to help anyone or be help. For once, I want to be selfish. To bask in my own gratifying detachment from the world. I may sound like I lost a few screws but I'm perfectly fine and happy right now. Though sometimes I feel that the word 'happy' sounds overrated. I can't understand why sometimes I feel tired with the human race and the modern civilisation. To put on an appearance and to be expected of what you're doing. This isn't a depressed suicidal entry nor a quest for independence. I just want to get out, be myself, and not to have think of other people's feelings.

I wanted movement and not a calm course of existence. I wanted excitement and danger and the chance to sacrifice myself for my love. I felt in myself a superabundance of energy which found no outlet in our quiet life.

Leo Tolstoy

2007-12-19T00:50:00.001+08:00

A few weeks back, someone fell sick and came to work.

A few days later, someone else contracted the sickness. So basically, by now, everyone is falling ill.

And here I am, trying to control the flow of my mucus and making sure to check my voice every now and then as to make sure I don't sound like some random guy on the streets of Gay-lang.

I seriously am not feeling festive at all.

I hope my mother would let me stay home on Hari Raya Haji.

And I wish I could sleep in his arms right now just so I could feel a little more better, but I can only depend on Jon Krakauer's Into The Wild for now ):

2007-12-15T23:55:00.000+08:00

I think there's something wrong with me today. I'm suppose to come home with bags and a smile on my face but end up coming home empty-handed.

In the end, Fadly was the one shopping, not me. :(

And even Carl's Jr couldn't satisfy me.

So I made a trip to Starbucks and got myself a Grande 2 pump Mocha double-blend Chocolate Cream Frap. Which is now officially my stress relief drink.

If Vivocity decides to bail on me tomorrow, I'm going to Tampines Mall alone or get myself a third ear piercing while I'm at it!

2007-12-13T02:24:00.000+08:00

It has been awhile since someone made me feel this way.

It feels great.

I swear.

2007-12-12T02:22:00.000+08:00

Miss Small Hands, Miss STC, Miss Braces, Miss Liyana Lohan, Mr Abu, Mr Fandy tak Dandy, Mr Broken Leg, Mr Ahpek with Bangla Hair, Mr Jimmy, Mr Kiwi, Mr Bidzy Balls, Mr Gay Hamdonny, Miss I still can't believe you can cook - turned Emo Amelia, Mr Pussy, Miss Yours Truly, Mr Peeeeeedeeeeee, Miss Camera Woman, Mr Gabriel with his urine container, Miss Swollen Legs and many more.

I miss you people and we seriously need to hang out soon!

I still have a lot of people to mention but I need to wake up at 10AM for work tomorrow and it's already o230AM for crying out loud.

2007-12-11T13:31:00.000+08:00

I feel so loved yesterday. :)

2007-12-08T15:56:00.000+08:00

Saturday is finally here. (:

And my phone is going senile after 2 years of abuse.
I've been getting 2.45PM messages at 4PM.
I've been getting 726130219 messages about people trying to call me.
I've been getting heaps of messages at one go and my hp won't stop vibrating even after I'm done reading all of it.

And Omar gave me an earful for turning off my hp when actually, it's been turned on for a week now!

I think it's time for someone to get my N82!

2007-12-07T01:31:00.001+08:00

I just need someone to say, "Go on. I will support you no matter what your decisions are!"

To have faith in me and not discourage me.

I swear, it's getting tougher on me everyday.

Yet, I can still find the strength to keep me going.

Even if I'm on my own.

2007-12-05T01:14:00.000+08:00

I am working my ass off to get my butt into school while not complaining how exhausted I'm feeling or how I've been falling ill so frequently. And to think that I have another 9 months to go.

So please, I'm begging you, I don't need a lecture about how I'm screwing up my future or whatnots cause I know what I'm doing. I don't want to be a burden to you or anyone. It's not my intention to hurt you or to feel otherwise. I just have so much in my mind right now and it will not help me if you constantly press me with questions, the judgements and nags about me skipping school.

My priority is work now.
RP can wait.

I know what I'm doing. Trust me in this. That's all I'm asking.

2007-12-03T23:44:00.000+08:00

A moment ago, I thought of being a very kind and angelic sister my brother never had. I was planning to flash him the most sweetest smile I could give when he comes home. So when I heard the door open and saw him standing there smiling stupidly, I laughed so hard that I choked on my food.

You see, his face looked like a lobster from his fresh sunburn he had from Sentosa. He still had the cheeks to tell me that everyone said that he looked sexy with the sunburn.

Seriously, how can I not make a joke out of him everytime I see him?

But no matter how 'sexy' he looks, I still love him very much. =)

And I feel all much better now after meeting my babes.

2007-12-02T22:16:00.000+08:00

I was rushing for work and suddenly, an Indian SMRT security man approached me. He asked what do I have in my bag. So I smiled and said that I'm carrying clothes, a pair of shoe and my packed lunch for work. As you all know, I usually carry huge bags to work and I know he was just doing his job. I'm totally fine with this random moment.

And he got me thinking, do I really have the guts to blow myself up along with innocent commuters? I mean, dying so fast wouldn't hurt as bad as a cancer patient but imagining myself in tiny pieces of meat scattered everywhere doesn't sound appealing.

Then again, do I have the potential to be a suicide bomber? In fact, do I even look like one?

2007-12-01T17:40:00.000+08:00

My week started pretty badly. I almost got terminated from work (Don't ask). My flip flops malfunctioned on a first date (I tell you, karma's a bitch. Sorry Johan!). But I got a pretty new flip flops to replace the other thanks to a certain bacin (No matter how irritating the squeky sound is, I truly appreciate it!). Continuously late for work due to miscommunication. And whatnots. It's good now that everything have settled.

And now, my immune system is slowly failing on me due to my late nights. I swear I have problem prioritising my sleep. It's a weakness I can never have control of.

Anyway, I want to congratulate Aisyah Johar for being promoted to shift manager! I'll definately miss working with this 'kakak ipar' of mine. Hmm I cannot get home-cooked food at work anymore and get 'sisterly' nags now that she's not in SB-WA. =(

Oh and I found this and am now coughing so bad from all the laughing!

"SIAPA POMPUAN TU LAH PUKIMAK!" and the best part, "DIA PANGGIL AKU GONCANG? DIA SIAPA!"

hahahaha damn

I seriously pity the friend. If I were her, I would have just walked off! Seriously, friend or not, jaga maruah kau dulu!

2007-11-24T16:38:00.000+08:00

'cause sometimes, you're too much for me.

2007-11-17T11:59:00.000+08:00

"When the world looked a little less meaner.."

My late night boys.

Farhandy happily waited for me under my block.

That's how slack we usually look, even to Tampines Mall.

Omar is practically making his 'WTH' face at me with my camera.

The busy traffic at 12AM

Omar's sexy muay thai shorts.

Farhandy's version of the women's sanitary pad

His 10 second tobacco.

I like this T-shirt.

One of Fandy's silly antics.

I was trying to bend Omar's long fingernail.

Random fact #1: Long fingernails especially on the pinkie, is a huge turn off for me.

When Omar doesn't entertain us..

Walking to Omar's place.

View from Omar's half creepy flat.
You can see my flat from here!

Ignore our 3AM faces

Fandy's sleeping at the backseat

Random fact #2: I'm always, without fail, the last person to be sent home.

No one can beat Safiah's driving.

Judging by the eyebags, I need to sleep.

So what's wrong?

2007-11-16T22:08:00.000+08:00

"Woke up wondering how the world would look like in black & white.."

Timecheck: Wow never this early on my off day!

Showered and clothed.

I'm a fussy eater when it comes to home-cooked dishes. I made a big fuss to mum about how I don't eat the dishes she just made. Not that I have any doubts about her cooking, infact I love her cooking but I hate that specific dishes!

So I made myself some beef patty for brunch.

Watched Season 2 of Ugly Betty and got bored halfway.

I couldn't stand it anymore so I msged the girls.

Ayu and I end up being bummed out about the plans as the other two was being a total lameass =)

I decided to make myself some Ice Passion Tea and when I opened the cabinet, I was overwhelmed by the 376493287469 Starbucks cups/tumblers in it.

My Oatmeal Raisin cookie, refreshing ice passion tea and my infamous awesomely good granola bars.

Of what is left of my cookie; raisins and nuts.

And judging by the mark out date for the cookie, I wouldn't be surprised if I'm down with diarrhea.

"My heart... It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it's trying to escape because it doesn't belong to me any more. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I'd wish for nothing in exchange - no fits. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine."

God, I love the show!

And I started to get bored again.

Finally, someone's home to entertain me.

We ended up watching Alone

The show wasn't really scary but it has alot of shocking moments which we ended up shouting in high-pitched shrieks!

He made jelly!

The little bugger came home crying and I managed to quiten him down by giving my hp for him to fool around with.

Mummy's rempah

Yessah Abang's home!

I miss him so much after not meeting him for days due to clash of work schedules.

Vanilla Ice Cream with Honey coated Oatmeal cereal

Yummy =)

2007-11-15T01:33:00.000+08:00

It's frustrating when the people you've known for a long time can be such a letdown sometimes. They expect you to trust them but at the end of the day, they'll leave you hanging. This is why I hate promises.

Promises are like hopes. It's a possibility. A fifty-fifty chance.

And when I say that promises are like hopes and that I hate promises, it goes the same way as how I look at hopes.

I hate putting hopes on people, even on my loved ones. At the end of the day, you'll never know if it will come true. Hope keeps you going, believing, but what happens when your hopes is smashed? That it doesn't come true.

Disappointment. Dissatisfaction. Frustration.

I've learned my lesson and being a very frank person that I am, I even told my very own bestfriend that I don't trust him most of the time. Yes, the family too. Also, this is one of the reasons that I move on easily.

I have issues in trusting people. It's not that I don't trust people at all but it's just hard for them to earn my trust. Well, I think I have high standards, that's why!

And if you have a fucking problem with that, you just have to deal with it alright!

2007-11-12T11:05:00.000+08:00

It's 11 in the morning and I'm suppose to be in bed like I've always been after having a long day the day before. But no, I just had to wake up and see what's happening in the household with Ilyas's loud hysterics. And I'm just cursing under my breath, hoping I could just curl up in bed in this beautiful rainy day.

It was sheesha after work yesterday with a bunch of great wacky people who never fails to make my day. Ten months and counting, but it feels as though I've known them for ten years. Oh and because I was the last person to finish late, I got to ride on Bishri's vespa! Hahahaha a landmark experience for me.

There must be something wrong with the world today because I feel as though my patience has been pushed to the limit whenever people start up a conversation with me. It's fucking annoying when you're trying to be sincerely nice about things and they would just go hahahehehoho and act dumb! Frankly, I think they shouldn't have been entitled to a brain in the first place.

And my dear Nick is away for more than a week to Australia to attend a friend's wedding. I miss that chap already =(

On a lighter note, work in five hours time!

Okay, I'm going to sneakily steal mummy's fried chicken!

2007-11-10T18:03:00.000+08:00

As of tomorrow, Sunday 11th November 2007, I'm going to have a hectic week ahead and I'm actually looking forward to it for the first time in my life. Work. Yes that is how I'm going to spend my week. Closings. Yes just like Mashrufah once said it before, I have no nightlife and I don't give a damn.

And lets just hope that I will not be a lazy ass to do my morning run once I get back home from work! Please I need the motivation. No not motivation actually, it doesn't really have any effects for me. But give me a hard time. Ah that gets my blood pumping and I'll eventually want to let of some steam and running would be the only solution to get rid of it! Oh and no more late nights chilling sessions with the usual suspects. Are you reading this carefully Omar Alsree! Well, only for the mean time.

Yes I am now satisfied with these plans! =)

2007-11-09T15:16:00.000+08:00

It's just going to be the books, MTV, the bed and I today.

No handphone, boyfriends, girlfriends or any means of communications.

2007-11-08T16:36:00.000+08:00

Whats up with people asking me why I look so happy?

And just because I was super bored on this Deeeeepak day, I decided to watch Bujang Lapok for some comic relief and ended up reading/comparing horoscopes with Fee (I should really stick to 1 name for you lah. Its getting really confusing!).

Friendster has the corniest horoscopes ofcourse. But wait, just so you know, I'm not a superstitious type of person and I don't believe in horoscopes. It's just that its so weirdly funny how horoscopes can sometimes be so true. And you'll end up going, "Woahh its so true lah!" kind of feeling.

One of the horoscopes I found said that it would be nice to surprise someone with a news and guess what? I was planning to meet Omar lah later cause he had something to tell me and I too had something exciting and kinky to tell him about! So is it just me or is this just pure coincidence?

So I'm going to sidetrack now. I was talking to Hamdanny (oh how he hates it when I starts calling him that!) five minutes ago and he made me realise that he's the only person whom I can speak extreme minah with and he would happily entertain my nonsense, or more like I'm the one entertaining his nonsense. Whatever it is, we're both very nonsense people! Hahaha even how we first met is also nonsense. Its so sad that I can't go to school with him again and do stupid silly things anymore!

Legend or whatttttttt!
Hahaha okay I'll shut up for now.

and fuck I'm late!

2007-11-08T01:13:00.000+08:00

Please pull yourself together Suhana!

2007-11-06T19:26:00.000+08:00

Ahmad: Hmm baju aku macam dah shrink arh!
Suhana: Ah baju aku pon shrink lepas kene cuci.
Ahmad: Kau feeling-feeling baju kau shrink pasal kau makin gemok actually.
Suhana: I WILL NOT TALK TO YOU OKAY AHMAD GAMAL!

wahh i think i need to hit the gym again. Though, I'm craving for popcorn badly. Sheesh I really need to get my priorities right!

And someone is happily hinting to me that she likes my brother lah! Still got the cheek to talk about marriage! Pleaseeeeeeeeee cannot make it lah want to go out with my brother. Hahahahahaha even though I love you babe, sorry to say but I won't let it happen!

Seriously, how in the world can I tolerate working with these people!

and still no reply..........!

2007-11-05T23:29:00.000+08:00

I am like a stalker to my own school email account by checking it almost every minute, waiting for the bloody mentor to reply me back. Ughh this isn't fun at all!

REPLY ME BACK LAH CHEEBYEEEE!

2007-11-04T23:42:00.001+08:00

Today is the day that I truly appreciated the seatbelt and thought of Almighty God the most times in my whole 17 years plus of my life, all thanks to Safiah's 'excellent' driving skills.

2007-11-03T02:01:00.000+08:00

I will definitely go ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH! any moment now. So tell me why I shouldn't wake the whole family up by my agonising screams?

http://www.soundwavefestival.com/
Does that answer your question?

Incubus, Motion City Soundtrack, Saosin, The Starting Line and for crying out loud, My American Heart is performing too!

Like seriously, to watch My American Heart perform live is No.1 in my No.1 Things I should do before I die list!

For the fact that they're going to be in the Pacific Rim is already giving me anxiety attacks and I don't get anxious easily. Damn, I could trade a boyfriend for an airplane ticket to Australia any time! I'm that desperate lah, I know.

Fuck, now I hate myself for going to that website.
Okay Affy babe, lets scratch the idea to go to KL next month. We're going Australia instead!

kanenah why can't it be in Singapore instead of that damn kangaroo infested country!!!

2007-11-02T23:25:00.000+08:00

Supposedly, I have to come up with a few ideas on how to sell the promotional retail merchandise by tomorrow but it seems that my attention has been focused on finding music over Myspace.

Hmm the wonders on Internet.

Anyway, I can't jolly wait for this Sunday! =)

Okay back to brainstorming before my Amin-ah screams bloody murder at me if he finds out I didn't manage to send in the draft on time.

2007-10-31T16:38:00.000+08:00

GREEN LIGHT GREEN LIGHT GREEN LIGHT

Wow I'm currently in a state of 'I don't know how to react from this news!"

And as promised, I'm going to call Omar first about this!

hahaha

2007-10-30T22:06:00.000+08:00

Bangkok, KL and a camera.

So where should my money go to first?

and I just did the unthinkable.

fuck

2007-10-23T22:06:00.000+08:00

Came home to see Ilyas making silly 'gatal' faces to me. Aww that little boy always end my day nicely. It's a pity that I'm always home late nowadays so I rarely have the time to play with him. 5 minutes isn't enough okay!

So anyway, I'm having issues that I can only speak to 1 person about it. BUT the shitty part about it is that the person is sitting for the O' Levels Paper tomorrow and is too busy stuffing equations, formulaes and definitions to it's tired brain, to even have a 5 minute break just to talk to me. =(

Okay I shall stop complaining.

And I'm trying to avoid joining Facebook at all cost! I hear that it's damn addictive and I don't want to see myself sticking my face to the computer screen the whole day.

So all the best (by saying 'Good Luck' would actually jinx it!) to the people whose re/sitting for their O Levels!

Omar, Zaki, Jazil and Nabil, please get 5 credits or more okay! Cause I can't stand seeing you guys studying everytime we meet anymore!

Fa-izah, well, you know what I expect from you!

2007-10-21T13:48:00.001+08:00

So here I am, hiding in my brother's room. Well I'm not really hiding, it's more of trying to avoid myself from doing more dishwashing and clearing of tables. One HUGE family after the other. The fact that my father had just been admitted to the hospital again the other day and now he's back home in one piece, it gives everyone a reason to celebrate Raya at my house this weekend. And I hate it. Alot actually.

I've noticed that if ever people visits someone in a big group, they tend to find a spot in one corner. For example, yesterday, my house was so crowded with my relatives and I couldn't take it anymore, I left and met my brother and his friends at Starbucks Tampines Mall, and we just slacked till late. Heck, I felt at home there than at my own home.

Though, I'm still trying to find an excuse to escape from everyone here but I can't just leave my mum to face everything alone. It's not right. My brother and sister are out and my little brother are too oblivious to his surroundings.

And I'm trying hard not to call Omar. I've been too dependent on him already. So I'm on my own now.

I think I need some hardcore retail theraphy once I get my pay and a holiday sounds nice! Even KL will do! Hey, I'm not picky alright.

2007-10-19T15:04:00.000+08:00

Omar and John was talking about a molest/raping case in some random school in the east. A guy place his hands in a girl's crotch. Well, the girl cried.

I find that hilarous ofcourse for the fact that the girl is weak. So I was telling Omar if ever a guy did that to me, I would have punch him in the face and/or kick his balls like there's no tomorrow.

You know what his reply was? "Yalar, you're a boy kan!"

I was so upset by his comment and I think he saw that I was upset and he said "Okay lah, you're half a boy" instead.

Fuck you asshole I'm a feminist not a boy or even half of it!

2007-10-16T10:26:00.000+08:00

Like Ahmad Gamal's saying; Aku hutang tidur arh!

2007-10-13T14:34:00.000+08:00

I'm so tempted to do a recap of Eid's 06.

But wth, I'm on a tight schedule!

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri.

Maaf Zahir dan Batin kepada semua.

I'm not feeling very festive actually.

2007-10-12T11:59:00.000+08:00

The US Declaration of Independence cites three inalieanable rights: to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Can I sue if you make me unhappy?

To be something that you really want means that you would have to sacrifice relations with your family, or your health? Sometimes what you most want in the whole world is for the agonising earache to stop. What does this show? That there is no one thing we want most in the world, except happiness. Why do you value friendship? Because it makes you happy. Happiness is the only thing that is valued for its own sake. Happiness trumps everything!

It is a simple fact that happiness is everyone's aim and yet, paradoxically, we can only reach it by aiming anything except happiness - by seeking whatever it is that will provide it.

Searching for happiness itself is the most unhappy pursuit of all.

Though, I think that the most fundamental element of happiness is unhappiness. Happiness is a complex, mixed emotion. People often prefer things that can give them pain rather than pleasure: that is why we choose love over mere sexual gratification, the hard truth over ignorance. Pleasure, comfort, ecstacy are only meaningful through contrast.

We can have no satisfaction if we haven't previously endured a lack. I reject lazy cotentment: boredom is the death of happiness. I want suffering so that I may truly be happy. The right to pursue happiness? Let us preserve the right to be miserable. For without unhappiness, happiness is meaningless.

It sounded mad to think that misery was an important part of being happy but it does made sense does it? That happiness was nothing unless you have experienced unhappiness to compare it to.

2007-10-10T22:56:00.000+08:00

I have tons of things to say but all of it now seems worthless to me. I'm still unhappy, sick and tired, and fucked up as ever.

This will never end till the day I would say the things I've been meaning to say all this months of fucking emotional turmoil I've been going through and I still do now. So far, the confession not going to happen anytime soon.

And you know what, I don't need your 'rub it in your face' speech. Unless, you don't want to see me not talking to you for only god knows how long! Let's add a bit vulgar abuse or bitch fits here and there. Better yet, just don't spoil my mood in any kind of way. - this condition also applies to you Aff-

2007-10-08T00:00:00.000+08:00

"Omar, I'm stress!"

That's the sign for you to come down to my block and meet me instantly. We would bargain whose area to come down and at the end you will always give in to me and drag your terrorist face to my area. It has been a daily routine for you even without me informing you firsthand. I mean, so far, Rizam is willing to takeover this post of yours if I were to move in to my sister's new home in Punggol. And that is a huge 'if'.

If you're reading this, yes I'm referring to you Syed Omar Alsree, please turn off your ego switch for a few minutes while reading this.

You are, in fact, one of the most important people in my life that I cannot live without. Remember when I was arguing with Farhandy about the silly 'quit school and I won't meet you' bet, and Suhaimi randomly asked me whether I can live without you and I said "No" without any hesitation, well I wasn't lying. You see how much I love you Omar?

How can I not love you when you always spoil me by sending me home or pick me up somewhere in the neighbourhood all the time no matter how dangerous it is for you to do so, or the time that I found out about my dad's health and you told me to let go and I cried like a baby infront of you, (heck, you were the first boy to see me cry okay). Afterwards, you gave me a very touching message that isn't an Omar thing to do that I still keep in my phone.

Oh and the 'I don't fall for people, people fall for me' philosophy is plain bullshit okay!

I still find it funny how similar we can be at almost everything.

Nonetheless, whenever you're being an egoistic motherfucker and being so full of yourself 24/7, it really makes me feel like punching your bloody guts. I'm not kidding.

But you know what, that makes Omar, Omar! Hah this you have to agree people!

HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY...
AND HABIBI, DO YOU LOVE ME?

hahahahaha sorry couldn't help it lah.

2007-10-03T22:29:00.000+08:00

Just give me some time to settle everything out.

That's all I'm asking.

2007-09-18T14:34:00.001+08:00

I was so enthusiastic about school(which is a rare case for me) today, I just had to shit, again, at that damn moment to spoil everything about my day.

2007-09-16T22:02:00.000+08:00

I am finally relieved. Having Amelia and Jester in the same block as mine and just a level above mine is quite reassuring. And ofcourse, a block just next to the carpark is heavenly blissed!

Well, I'm not actually relieved though. My class consists of mainly chinese! I'm not being racist about it but it would actually be nice and a source of motivation for me to go to school IF there's cute hot malay guys in my class but nooooooooo, none, zilch, ZERO!

Okay, I should be happy at this moment. I shall not be pissed off! Because I know that I won't have to repeat modules next year! Shocking aint it, knowing how I was during last semester. The attendance and all.

Be grateful Suhana!

One thing for sure is that I did prove people wrong! No 'PHD' title for me! =)

2007-09-09T23:52:00.000+08:00

After hanging up the phone with Siew Lee about my schedule for the week, I realise that I wouldn't be working for more than a week! So lets hope Friday would come slooooooooooowly.

=) I practically have a lot of free time this week!

2007-09-09T01:13:00.000+08:00

I don't know what's wrong with me or what's going on in my head right now but one thing is for sure, it's in a HUGE mess. I have to deal with this mess by this Monday or I'm going to have a bad week and it's going to affect my first day of school and experience with my new class.

Taking action would bring much more problems for me and everyone around me. I just have to talk myself out of it. Though I really don't think I can talk myself out of it. I'll end up crying if I do so. The only shoulder that can make me feel better if from 2 certain people and right now, it's impossible for them to lend me their's.

My future is at stake. It may also affect my happiness.

I really don't know what to do right now. I've been saying a lot of things that I'm not sure whether I mean it or not.

My head is in a mess, I'm in a mess and everything's a mess.

I think the problem with me is that I think too much.

Oh god, help me.

2007-09-05T21:52:00.000+08:00

Just when I thought that I am perfectly healthy this morning, never mind the fact that half of the family is down with diarrhea, I am so wrong.

My head is pounding as though someone has just placed a gong beside me and it feels like my head can roll off from my body anytime soon. It's so freaking heavy that the view seems like it's rotating due to my swaying head.

My throat feels like someone's rubbing granite on a smooth and delicate surface.

I have to stay up for a few more hours so I can watch Grey's Anatomy!
I want to go to work tomorrow!
I just have to!

Oh can someone please stop this torturous ordeal I'm going through!

2007-09-04T01:46:00.000+08:00

I know that I've screwed up my coffee tasting.

I know that I've screwed up my For Here Solo Espresso just because I didn't time it even though that I was so god damn confident that it was a good shot! Fuck lah it was honey-dripping-like, the proportion was perfect and it wasn't too slow nor too fast. I fail the damn thing by not timing the fucking shot!

I know that I've screwed up during the store audit.

I know that I've written nonsense on my Partner's Evaluation paper 'cause I did it in the train while on the way to work which I was 2 fucking hours early because I was so god damn confident that I started work at 5 when I was suppose to start at 7.

I know that I could have gotten home way earlier than 1 freaking AM because people just had to take their own fucking sweet time!

And I fucking swear that everyone was having a bad day at work!

So yeah, THANK YOU!

2007-09-02T20:21:00.000+08:00

How can someone do a self evaluation when they're in a I-want-to-rot-and-die kind of state? And to think that I have to do it by tomorrow before I start work.

I suddenly feel like going for a swim.

FEEEEEEEEEEE DITCH SCHOOL & LETS GO SWIMMING?

Okay I'm off to do some sketches.

2007-09-02T01:56:00.000+08:00

I didn't realised that I doze off while reading about Bin Laden search on Newsweek. Upon waking up, I saw Ilyas was back from his KL trip and was now playing with his toys, and my mum and sister looking at me rather amused. They couldn't contain their excitement any longer and ask me to look at my reflection in the mirror.

To my horror, there's a huge black blob on my forehead!

Cheebyeeee what else lah.. it came from the Newsweek magazine! It didn't occur to me at that point of time I was sleeping, the magazine was covering my face to prevent the light so that I can't sleep more soundly.

Guess I was really tired and I wasn't bothered to be bother with the fact that I still have not showered for the past 24 hours. It was Feeroz who randomly told me in msn that he can smell me from his house and ask whether I have showered or not? Funny how he always know that I haven't shower and ask me about it! It's either really pure coincidence or he just knows these tidak patut ditahu stuffs about me like perhaps, me crying while watching Beauty and the Beast!

Since I've been working my ass off these past week and I told myself this weekend should be a well deserved rest for me. So I decided to stay home today and watch movies all day long! Damn I'm sucha bummer!

Okay I want to shower and finish up on my reading and sleep 'cause tomorrow is going to be a day with an occasion day. What kind of a sentence is that omg!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AYAHHHH!

2007-09-01T02:08:00.000+08:00

Decided to delete the previous post because it seems stupid writing about it and especially if it's about an undecent human. It was due to a case of venting anger at that point of time since I need to let off steam before I can sleep soundly and weird as it may sound, dream about calling Mash and talk about work.

I may be a bitch and you may have done so many horrible things to me, and I feel like stabbing you in the guts with a rusty dagger, but I'm nice enough to delete it before the whole world discovers what I've written about you. Basically, just don't think that I'm doing this for you.

Anyway, I just really have to say this. Syed Omar Alsree makes a great unlicensed driver. Oh the thrill of it all!

2007-08-29T03:37:00.000+08:00

I start my day thinking about what I've thrown away.
Can I press rewind to avoid going astray?

I was losing my mind
searching for something I couldn't find.
You took my hands and we found a place
to watch it burst into flames.

These brilliants mistakes I make
seems to be pushing you away
It's playing on my mind
and it's wasting all of my time

I'm beginning to notice
how this feels like
pins and needles
There's nothing good about goodbyes.

-Suhana

2007-08-27T01:13:00.000+08:00

Weather was a bitch. Waiting is a norm. A group of gay middle-aged Malay men are rare. Komala Villas is delicious. Little India is a cheap shopping haven. Sungai Road are rare little treasures with weird people around. OG is a great place to rest and talk. Bugis is as crowded and unhappening as always. City Hall is a short direct walk from Bugis. The train ride home is unusually fast. And chilling with the boys are never a boring session. Mix matching ourselves as couples were our random laughing stock for the night.

Am still quite taken aback about how much Omar knows me really well and how our attitude in life and love are very similar. Ah yes, the heck care attitude as we termed it.

I love this bitch of mine.
Forever will.

2007-08-26T00:53:00.000+08:00

The inconvenient truth (for Nazreen)

Suhana: Eh nazreen actually wanted to go for an interview after reading my blog a little too late and she wanted to work at Eastpoint of all the places!
Hakimbo: *Giving the why-in-the-world-would-you-wanna-do-that face*
Suhana: I told her to work at Tampines but she didnt want to as she felt awkward.
Hakimbo: Why?
Suhana: Because she's going head over heels with someone who works there!
Hakimbo: Who?
Suhana: (insert name) *hoping that Hakim doesnt know him so I wouldn't feel guilty telling Hakim about this* !
Hakimbo: WHAT THE HELL! He's my cousin lah omg!
Suhana & Cousins: HAHAHAHAHA
Hakimbo: I'm so going to msg him and say "Hey, one of your regular customers likes you alot!"
Suhana: HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

One thing for sure Miss Nazreen, he did not msg (insert name) that. So count yourself lucky! And now, hahaha I have a common thing or two with (insert name) so you better watch out!

Damn, I still laughing my ass silly when I recall this conversation!

2007-08-25T01:21:00.000+08:00

I think this is going to be long mindless post.

It's the end of the 1st semester and I swear on my two favourite aprons which I left it at store thanks to my forgetful self, that I'm going to miss W26B!

I'm going to miss Amelia for almost about everything.
I'm going to miss bitching with Yvonne.
I'm going to miss going for half-times with PD & Mj.
I'm going to miss poking fun at Yusri.
I'm going to miss Gabriel's girly scented cologne.
I'm going to miss my part time classroom boyfriend, Jun Hong.
I'm going to miss playing games with Iskandar and getting shush by teachers/classmates.
I'm going to miss Ah Long's 'sue you' jokes.
I'm going to miss making faces to Miza and, siding Atiqah and Seha whenever Miza disturbs them.
I'm going to miss Kitkat and her bestfriend.

AND THE REST LAHHHH!

The time I've spent traveling to RP to/fro, they made it worthwhile.
I love them more than 7-11's chicken pau and breaded chicken with spaghetti at Hell's.

And I seriously hope that Faizal gets into RP in the next intake!
It would be a blast having him around school.

Oh I'm trying (which I'm failing) to save up money to get this:

It would really break my heart if I found out that the album isn't sold in Singapore. )=

It includes the greatest songs they have ever written up-to-date and their songs almost change my life.

So yes, I'm really dying to get this album!

Alright, I'm really and still hyper right now even though I just came back from work half an hour ago and to think I have to wake up early for tomorrow' kenduri over at my house, and before a certain Fee finds out that I'm still wide awake at this very moment, I shall go to sleep, or maybe pretend to!

2007-08-24T13:32:00.001+08:00

Starbucks Recruitment Drive
Starbucks Tampines Mall
Saturday 25th August 2007
1300H - 1800H

Find Hakimbo
Tell that you're referred by Suhana of Wisma Atria (THIS IS A MUST!)
Request to work at Wisma Atria!!!
Or any store that you prefer.

If you're planning to work for more than 3 months, please do the steps above!
It is highly recommended as you have a higher chances of getting it.

=))

Ahh the perks of working at Starbucks just by doing this!

Let Starbucks be your 3rd home, let us be your extended family.

HAHAHAHAHA OKAY IM OFF TO WORK YOU FUCKERS.

2007-08-21T09:59:00.000+08:00

A story of a boy who paints his life on canvas.

Inspire. Inspired. Inspiration.

It's a wonder how I'm a person who isn't easily inspired by someone. I've come to a realisation that its been months, almost a year in fact, the last time I held a brush. Or better yet, the favourite sketching pencil.

I miss the weird tingling feeling in my stomach everytime I start sketching. It gives me a sense of peacefulness everytime the pencil lead touches the white silhouette of paper. I need this now, this feeling.

Most importantly, I need an inspiration. An inspiritation that somehow only comes from you lately.

Or maybe, I should find time for myself which I lack of this week. Another hectic week for me ahead and this bring terrible news to me. It means that I have no time to watch La Vie en Rose nor go to the art museum. The only thing I'm looking forward to is Sungai Rd this Sunday.

So Muhd Asnawi bin Wahab, please be prepare to have extra cash with you since you decided to give me any treat I want! =)

2007-08-20T12:53:00.000+08:00

The second youngest and I still have to give in to almost everything.
Even to the two oldest siblings.

How fuck up is that?
Damnit I just lost my mood to staying full day in school and go to work later.

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKYOU

I just want to fly off to San Diego, meet Larry and forget the rest of the world have ever existed!
I can't seem to shake off this awful feeling.

2007-08-19T11:59:00.000+08:00

Wished every Sunday would be exactly like this Sunday.

And spend it with you.

2007-08-18T23:44:00.000+08:00

Had the urge to shit just when I was about to leave for work.
Thus, I was late for work.
My chilli dropped. My roti john taste so ughh without it.
The chilli was all over my favourite pony shoes that Awi bought for me.
My pants smells of chilli.
The pipe at work was choked which causes a flood in the backroom.
The maintenance pump the crap out of it and the whole room smells worse than shit
And I was drinking at that point of time!
Couldnt stop coughing and almost puked.
Just when I thought I can go head over heels with The Maintenance Guy, Azri, he looked exactly like Nadzif. Damnit!
So the water was everywhere. Even on the 'Floor'.
Had to go to the toilet urgently and it smells of shit! Someone was shitting at the cubicle next to me.
Had to extend another 2 hours to help around.
Decided to take 518 instead of the train.
Next bus was 57 minutes.
57......48....46...47! WTFFFF
Just when I got a sit.. the bus came.
I was hungry and craving for Outback Steakhouse.
The advertisement just had to be everywhere!
Traffic jam at Suntec City.
Had butt cramps and couldn't sleep. So I was basically stoning in the packed bus.
Almost attacked by a rat!
And internet connection was a bitch.

Today was the suay-est day of all days.

2007-08-16T00:38:00.000+08:00

I just realise something this morning on the way to school. All thanks Incubus. Okay I won't start weeping and moaning about how I'm being heartbroken and all. Thing is, I'm not. Actually, its the other way round. Or maybe.. well I don't know really. I think Luqman would know what I'm trying to say here.

So the point is, I'm happy. I'm so happy that I can't stop smiling.

I'm so happy that I felt like cooking spaghetti.

I'm so happy that I pack the spaghetti into a container and meet Omar, Suhaimi and Farhandy just so they can eat it.

I'm so happy that I've finally met them after weeks of not being around them.

I'm so happy that I never finish my sentences properly.

I'm so happy that I don't care how ugly I look at that point of time.

I'm so happy that I never realise that my shorts are torn till I met Omar downstairs.

But, the reason that I'm this happy, is not because of them.
It was because, after all the pain I go through, the questions I ask myself that never got an answer, has finally came to a conclusion.

It might not be a reasonable conclusion but it's good for me.

But hey, I still love my boys.
Especially Omar, who just said that I can officially get married. But hopefully not to him 'cause I don't want to spend half of my life going through his nonsense.

2007-08-14T15:36:00.000+08:00

It took me a while and a few sneezes trying to search for the Sheila On 7 album in my book shelves brimming of textbooks and maths worksheets. I've yet to re-organise because I'm avoiding the headache of finding a place for the rejected books that I once deemed important to me last year. So Fa-izah, I'll gladly donate it to you since the big exams are in a month time. How about it?

Back to Sheila On 7. I find ecstacy dancing in my worn-out shorts (much thanks to diving on my former school's balding field) and P.E. Jurong House t-shirt singing to the song Melompat Lebih Tinggi out loud.

I was in my own imaginative world for a moment. A much missed haven. Swirling around the room like some crazy girl who forgets the world and the world forgets her. I'm having a hard time now seeking refuge in reading books as I find myself moving too much too fast. I can't sit still. And I love that feeling of uncertain things that will pop out of nowhere and you find yourself engaging in the random plans. It was a good time alone for that half an hour. Yes, it was that short. This is why I don't believe in doing timetables.

I can't imagine how people go through life monotonously, following a chart by day and time. How bland. You're being tied down to something. It is as though you have no choice in having a say in what you believe in. Oh, no wonder I tend to say what's on my mind like noone's business. The freedom of speech. I believe in that and take fully advantage of it. And maybe you should too.

Really, I have no idea what's the purpose of this post or any of it, matter of fact. I just had a sudden urge to plaster all these words in my head here since I know people have no time to listen to me talking randomly, without an objective and/or purpose.

I decided to turn down everyone whose going to ask me out today and tomorrow since I just felt like staying at home and rest. I'm exhausted by work and last week's events. Don't get me wrong. Last week was the greatest week I ever had in my life, as of today. Plus, I just feel like being alone with myself. To recollect my thoughts and feelings. Just so it will keep me sane in the coming days or week.

Oh and about the coming Coffee Master Challenge this coming 25th, I'm so not mentally and physically ready. I feel like I want out. Also, I have kenduri on the very same day. So yeah, I'm quite lost about it right this moment just seconds after I hang up on Abang in the middle of a lesson!

Shit I feel like crying now.

2007-08-12T02:35:00.000+08:00

Photos have been accumulating in my folders at an alarming rate. Never quite had the time to upload them since I've been rather busy that I kept forgetting what's the day today. Though how busy I've been, time has been managed well between friends and family. Proud I must say, 'cause it was never an easy task.

Fa-izah has to agree on this though, the both of us are growing fatter by the day with non-stop food plans by people. For instance, Let's start on last thursday, it was steamboat at Marina Bay, next was Newton, Magic Wok at City Hall, Carousel at Royal Scotts Hotel, ZamZam, Cousin's Wedding Dinner at Orchird Country Club and lastly, tomorrow's briyani feast at my cousin's wedding!

And imagine this, I had to peel prawns on each of every events using a spoon and fork! So yes, I've mastered the art of peeling prawns without the use of your hands. Though it came with a price during the peeling session: a ~~crapping~~ cramping finger! But I think I need to do something about the prawn's head from getting all over the table.

So Hafizah's married now which I'm still quite not use to the idea that she's married at 19, nonetheless I'm so happy for her! And since I'm one of the two female cousin (I'm the youngest of course on my father's side of the family) to still not tie the knot, my other two cousin, Ahmad and Ajit, kept pestering and reminding me not to get married before them. I can't help but to laugh at them 'cause their expression is damn serious. Ah my dear abang-abang, I've decided to let my brother get married first after my sister gave me a frightening news about me tanggung-ing my brother's expenses if I were to marry before him! So judging by his single state right now, you two have plenty of time to find a wive!

Marriage aside, I should really stop my habit cabbing home after work! The fare alone is 15 per ride. Orchard and Tampines isn't like Bedok and Tampines okay Suhana! Your father is not the owner of Transcab or whatever the name of the blue cab. Unless Starbucks is willing to pay for my ride home everytime I'm working! Hahhhhh Chang Siew Lee... Can or not arhhh?

Oh and almost all managers just realise, having Suhana and Hakim working together on the same shift is never a peaceful affair eversince the talak tiga incident! And I swear on my nerves that he's the most irritating bastard I've ever known. Well too bad for Bob leaving us so soon.. he's sure to miss out the midnight drama!

2007-08-06T13:55:00.001+08:00

My morning was spend making love with the toilet bowl, moaning, sitting on the kitchen floor eating Fruit Loops and a whole lot of waiting. Waiting for my turn to see the Ms/Mrs Pretty Doctor.

Air was warm and there's a smile on everyone faces. Kids on the corridor playing catching and screaming mothers warning their kids to stop running. This is one of those days that time didn't matter, but queues did.

Some bossa nova tunes and an hour or two of nap time for me before I'm off to work with the boys. Well, make it a boy 'cause the other two doesn't count.

2007-08-06T00:35:00.000+08:00

OF OUR LOVELIFE

2007-08-05T23:38:00.000+08:00

It rained when she sang this morning.

It's funny how we speak without thinking. Unimaginable words sprung up from nowhere and it can be the joke of the day. Months perhaps. You're so careless that words like: Chengi (Changi), Hawal (Halal), Karang (Kerang), Tokoyaki (Kinokuniya), Tanyi (Tanya) and Gunci (Gucci) can come out of your mouth so absent-mindedly. Whats more funny when someone attempts to cover it up confidently by any ways as soon as possible but of course, an attempt that's gone to a waste.

Is it just me or everyone else has contracted the Pronounciation Disorder?

Being grateful for the fabulous time I had today, I would like to thank Muhd Asnawi Bin Abdul Wahab for everything. And when I say everything, I mean it. EVERYTHING! From the delicious foods to the company. I swear, he's the only male friend to have ever witness me eat seafood grotesquely twice in a week. Well, he's the only person who I don't mind being ugly infront of him because I know he'll love me no matter how bacin I am and not judge me! And because of that I love him till forever! =)

And please Awi, make yourself available this Wednesday for Carousel alright! My treat this time!

I need a hug and someone to say that everything's going to turn out fine without a pinch of doubt when telling me so!

IMY MBB =(

2007-08-04T19:43:00.000+08:00

Have you ever felt that you can't contain your anger anymore and you just snapped? You forget about the person infront of you, the people around you that's witnessing every move of yours and the reason why you love them in the first place. It's frustating for me when people look down on me. Yes, I'm known for my heck-with-what-people-say-or-think-of-me attitude but it does get to your nerves if they rub it in your face every freaking time.

Oh Sue your an idiot, Oh Sue you're such a bimbo, Oh Sue first time very hardworking...

I know myself best. I do realise that at times I do say stupid things. But hell, there's no need to remind me everyday. I don't retaliate 'cause when I do, there's always something for them to say. So I don't bother. I nod I smile.

One thing though, never I tell you, Never test my patience. You can ask my close friends as they have witness it with their own experience once I've reached my limits. I can get abusive (ask the boys) and my words can sting (Ask Aff). Some things I say and/or do, is not at purpose. I regret hurting their feelings after doing so but at times, I just couldn't control it. Emotions just overwhelm me too much that I have difficulties in controlling my anger.

Alhamdulillah, I've changed. Slowly but surely. My temper isn't as wild as the forest fire in Indonesia back then. I find myself to be more patient and I can contain my anger by trying not to dwell on it that much. Happy thoughts.. happy thoughts!

Humans aren't made to be perfect afterall you know.

And Hakim, I'm terribly sorry that I hit you last night no matter how fucking irritating you were.

2007-07-31T20:46:00.000+08:00

A word I like to call, Randomness.

I saw the most gorgeous Nike slipper at Simei just now that cost 52 bucks. And I'm scared now. Scared that when the day I get my pay, its not in stock anymore like it has always happen to me! Unless.. someone's willing to pay it for me! Hahaha I know I know... Dream on lah Suhana! So here I am, trying to find a great plan on how I'm going to get hold of 52 bucks before this weekend.

Baybeats is finally here, this weekend. Much to my chagrin, the artist line-up didn't arouse my excitement one bit except for Mercury Rev, Plainsunset and maybe One Buck Short, the usuals I guess. Hey, Baybeats can never beat the last two years event. That was the bomb and till now I can recall each and every moment I've witness back then. Great music and great company. Who can beat that?

Though, I rather work or stay at home and finish up on my reading. The crowds and scene kids aren't my cup of tea. And since the line-up isn't that fascinating, I think I'm going to give this year's a miss.

That being said, woohoo, it's like finally an RP's official school holiday. The day I can finally get a full 12 hours of sleep that if people won't be calling me or texting me! Well I hope not.

Oh and I just had a wonderful dream just now! =)

Lastly,

Farhandy, I've known you for years. I know things have been shitty for you lately but it isn't the end of the world is it? You have a future that is waiting for you but you don't seem to be looking forward to it. Sometimes I understand you and sometimes I don't. But as a friend, I do what can be done and/or said. And you, as a human, be grateful for the things you have in life. You do have friends that care for you and look out for you. You don't seem to realise that do you? Friends are influential people and it's up to you to determine which is the good and bad. I think I know you're mature enough to know which is which. I love you and I care for you -please dont get the wrong idea!- so please don't waste your life away!

2007-07-30T11:51:00.001+08:00

For the love of Chinatown & the Singapore River

2007-07-28T22:46:00.000+08:00

OF A 10 HOURS LABOUR.

You know, I wished to swim away but I don't know how. Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling into the ocean. Let the waves up take me down. Let the hurricanes set in motion. Let the rain of what I feel right now come down. Oh let the rain come!

The ground felt wet and the air was cold. Lights were bright that it almost blinded me. I was in my own world. People kept hitting me by the shoulders. My eyes were heavy like the drapes made of thick fabric that you seem to find it impossible to breath fresh air. I bet I've develop a muscular arms and legs after walking to Orchard Point and back to Wisma Atria again for half hour.

10 hours and I was still smiling and laughing. I'm now having my very own sweet time by myself eating Cheese braid with Philadelphia Cheese Spread as a dip (Courtesy of Amin), Famous Amos No Nut Chocolate Chip Cookies as a reward to me for extending another three hours more (Courtesy of Christina) and the funky pear tart (Courtesy of Aishah) that I've yet tasted! I'm fully aware that this WHATTHEHELL combination is disturbingly unhealthy, so thank you for not rubbing it in. I have no reasons to complain about work today or yesterday mainly because I love these crazy goons too much! And that being said, I miss working with Faizal and Hakim. The four of us, including Aishah and I, working together on closing are one of the reasons that I find it hard to quit.

I swear that one of my fingers's nerves have gone haywire. It's numb, as in, I can't feel a thing. I can't differentiate if the water's cold or hot, or whether the fabric's rough or soft. I'm retarded, I swear and it's freaking me out since this morning. Even Siew Lee said I was being paranoid. So here I am, waiting for my parents to get home so that I can ask my father to inspect it. I'm suppose to be in bed, asleep, right this moment lah! maoiwhekgyewvfkwu cheebye you cacat finger!

Nonetheless, great music, pillows, fantabulous foods, texting Ayu and Aff about silly love remedies and a fan. I couldn't ask for more!

2007-07-27T11:52:00.001+08:00

I swear I'm going to call Friday the Lost Sheep Day from now on. And while people are saying "Thank god it's Friday!" which such a relief to themselves, I'm mumbling furiously to myself on how I'm so not looking forward to weekends + Friday - Sunday. Like how someone told me with a big grin on his/her faces, Only crazy people work on weekends! I'm trying hard not to complain but as you can see it right now, I'm failing terribly.

First thing first, I seriously need to work on my monthly finances if I really want to see myself in Thailand either on December or March (wouldn't it be great if it were on my birthday itself!). I have to save up atleast hundred per month starting this coming pay on the 7th. Love it or hate it, I have to bare in mind that my pay per month is less than three hundred.

So yes, Amelia is happily jabbering some mathematics golden ratio hocus pocus with Miza while I'm humming to the tunes of Skinhead for life by ACAB. Very random I know, so dont ask why!

I just realised that I've made countless toilet trips today! Haha it tells that I'm bored to my tits right now to even spare a time trying to count how many times I went to the toilet. I have a feeling that I'm going to blabber nonsense so expect a long mindless post.

Anyway, I have a theory for Woodland's weather which I find quite disturbing. Since Woodland is quite near to JB, neighbours to be in fact, their weather climate is almost similar. You are very well aware of its ridiculous heatwave, I presume. And when JB rains, it'll be so darn cold that you swear to yourself for wearing short sleeves tee and a berms. Yes, these very unthinkable weather that you seldomly get in Tampines, could get any worser in your one and only town, Woodland!

And speaking of Woodland, it's been a while since I've been to the cemetary. I should start pestering my mum about this tomorrow morning, that if I'm awake before she leaves for the market! I'm still trying to convince myself that I can wake up at 9AM to work on a Saturday morning keepin in mind that I'm going to get home at 2AM later from work! I should have bargained with Bobby about starting later that day. Grr pandai Suhana kita eh!

Oh and lastly, I would like to apologise to Amelia and Miza for not contributing anything to the group presentation apart from my mindless and nonsensical theories! IM SORRY BABES!

Okay I want to continue playing Winning 11 on Yusri's psp! Hah he's useful afterall. =P

2007-07-24T22:27:00.001+08:00

This is one of the times that I have too many thoughts in my head with too little words to say.

You don't have to explain yourself to me.
I can read you like a book.
A children storybook in fact.

This is such an utter disappointment to me.
Make it times two if it includes that other person.

One thing that is without a doubt, agreeable, is that you're an idiot.
Yes, the both of you.
Period.

I don't need all these bullshits right now. =(

2007-07-22T15:12:00.000+08:00

Today is my off day, and I'm not liking the feeling that I have too much free time right now and I do not know how I'm going to spend it wisely. Oh and I was quite shock that I woke up today and headed straight to the bathroom to shower! Its a first okay so yeah must understand knowing the type of person I am.

I love the weather today and its the perfect time that I could just curl up in bed and sleep soundly BUT I can't thanks to the bazaar happening right this minute on the field nearby. Fee just complained that the music sounded horrible and I was going Eh? Got music meh? to myself and I realised I had headphones on blasting to some old old songs that I wasn't aware of what's going on around me!

So, since I had so much free time to search random things, I found this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LijlN5WA3Ps

His voice is orgasmic, I swear.
And he's funny too but too bad he's from Kelantan and the accent is a bit of a turn off.

Ahh so you see, I do have a lot of free time on my hands right now.
I'm hungry and there's not any food at home that I really want to eat, and I'm craving for sushis real bad!

2007-07-20T12:04:00.000+08:00

First thing first,

I will loveee the person who will buy me a ticket to the SingFest, to death.

Yes, I'm that desperate.
Gym Class Heroes!

Also, do anyone want to accompany me to the Force Vomit Concert?

Hahaha

I can't help it lor.

That being said, I've pictures that have been past its due date and I'm just such a pain in the ass right now to even bother to think of something to write.

Fishing Trip Last Friday

Wednesday

School.

She knows too much about me already.

She's my bitch.

If you want to get a D, sit beside him in class!
And I'm still wondering why he likes to call me Pikachu?!

Suntec City.

Mr I'm-taller-than-Suhana-and-I'm-a-big-bully.

We actually tried figuring out how this thing works and Im proud to say that we're very genius people there!

Okay fine, I lied. Fee was the one who figure out most of it and I'm trying to hog the limelight too!

Nanyang Polytechnic versus ITE College East Simei.

Look at the shadows.

So, as you can see from these pictures above, Luqman and I weren't actually focused on the match! We were too engrossed by the nonsensical antics of the people around us. We're a bitchy, and we couldn't help it lah!

2007-07-17T23:36:00.000+08:00

I miss my bestfriend so much that it hurts me by a great deal whenever I see a picture of him. It sounds sentimental, I know. You'll get what I mean if one day you realise that you don't know him anymore. Like the ties I cherish so dearly is nothing but an empty space between us now. The friendship we have is collecting dust and it's giving me an allergic reaction to it: I can't breathe properly.

Girl, can I have him back? Even if it's for one day. I don't mind, really.
That's the problem about having a very close boyfriend who places his girlfriend as the top priority in his life before his friends who have been there for him be it in times of good and bad. For instance, the ' I have a twin in you ' moments. I miss you lahh dude!

On a lighter note, my days have been either good or great. And today was especially almost-great to me. Amelia noted that I've been laughing way too much than I used to today. The last time I laughed this much was back in secondary school. I couldn't help but think that something bad is going to happen afterwards which made me stopped laughing for a moment. In the end, I couldn't take it anymore and laugh like no one's business. See Nazreen, you've poisoned my mind with your morning theories.

I'm happy thanks to the people around me who have been such a sweetheart and an irritating prick yet as sweet as ever, to me lately.

But nothing beats ending the day with my lovely girlfriend Fee whom I haven't seen in ages, in our favourite 'sight-seeing' spot and do nothing but to angan-angan marry a pilot. =)

I didn't need you afterall to make me feel happy and satisfied and thank god for that, N.

2007-07-12T23:46:00.000+08:00

Fa-izah: Sue, kunci kereta mana?
Suhana: Ahh ade.. dalam pocket aku ni!
Fa-izah: Mana kita park kereta arh? B3 kan?
Suhana: Uhuh!

HAHAHA YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE GUY'S FACE ON THE LIFT!
ITS A FUCKING CLASSIC!

AND YOU SHOULD SEE US LAUGH... IN MUTE! LOL

2007-07-11T19:44:00.000+08:00

Have you ever felt of letting go? To move ahead to something better. Yet, you still see yourself on the same spot, same situation, over and over again. Maybe its fear. The fear of losing everything you've loved. You're so used to it that you can't imagine yourself without it.

I had it. With all this shit. Being pushed around and taken for granted. They've stepped into your life and leave without saying goodbye. And when the next one comes, it starts again. A never ending routine that you just have to go through and endure the pain that comes along with it. I'm not surprised but its more of a question of Why?

You can't always find an answer to everything.

That is what I've learned after all these years of getting your strong wall being crumble down over and over again till you can't rebuild it.

Noone is invincible.

No one! So fuck off.

2007-07-10T11:40:00.000+08:00

How can we find comfort in something so random? It doesn't make sense does it. Something unfamiliar and alien to us can give such a calming effect on your moods. I've been saying "Go with the flow" a lot these few days to my babes and I've yet to apply it to myself. I over-analyse things too much but its my nature to think about people's feelings, even if I do not know them. I may be an uber bitch and a major flirt-in which Fa-izah would totally agree without any hesitance-but I'm still sane and humane enough to consider about people's reactions, feelings and thoughts.

Rispetto, you give it, you get it.

Since we're on the topic of Random, I want and need to travel and I've been bugging everyone about Bangkok. I can't help it. I love how the Thais live their lives. The land of smiles they say. Well, it looks scary first but as you just stand still and soak in everyone's presence, you feel calm. Like you're a part of it.

From the sound of it, I think I'm deprived of feeling calm. Maybe its due to the fact that everyone's been pissing me off in any way they think its cool to do so and also the fact that I've been feeling frustrated by things that I don't think its any value to say so here.

But hey, everything's cool. Back then I thought that I'm going to have the shittiest days ahead but thank god, I'm a happy happy girl right now. I think you know why Luqman!

& I really miss the boys. Its frustrating when I keep bumping into this guy in school who looks freakingly similar to Rabbani but way hotter than Mr Bani himself. Farhandy, I'm so proud of you kotek. I know you could do it but put in more hardwork alright? Maths or no maths, you know I got your back! And yes, Syed Omar Alsree, I have nothing to say... =(

2007-07-04T09:49:00.000+08:00

It's only 7AM and I'm cursing like no one business.
I tied my hair up-which Amelia claimed that I looked decent-and the identity is now being scarred thanks to my disgraceful verbal languages in the morning.
I'm an idiot I know.
I think Aff & Ayu are thinking, "Hate to say I told you so!" by now.

dkjshvfkreyfgrel

I need Transformers badly.

EDIT:

I know that Aff keeps reminding me that I can't whisper for nuts cause my whispers can be heard by the whole people in the room. Suhana being Suhana, I disagree to a great extent.

And as of today, the 4th of July, it's confirmed! I cannot whisper!

You know why?
I tried translating a message in Malay to English to Amelia during class discussion and now the whole class knows that He ask me to suck his cock!

2007-06-28T00:56:00.000+08:00

It's nearly one in the morning and I'm watching Gaki No Tsukai just for comic relief sake. Maybe its the only thing that can take my mind off from things I wish I shouldn't dwell myself on right this moment. Ah nothing can beat Japanese comedy. And I swear Shozo Endo is cute!

2007-06-26T23:56:00.001+08:00

A pose that you shouldn't do in class:

Which will hinder student's work productivity:

Thus, doing stupid poses behind the facilitator:

One of the reason I go to school: killer moments such as these.

2007-06-25T21:28:00.000+08:00

Today is one of those fat days.

Fuck calories!

2007-06-23T01:00:00.000+08:00

Close friends, wacky classmates, old friends and a few acquaintances are the bomb. I guess I wouldn't survived the week without them. And hell yeah, I've gotten many great compliments from some ranging from cute, losing weight, a great flirt and overly friendly (both in a good way) just to name a few. Oh and I tell you, being sick is no fun after making fun of dear Omar. Balasan. There's many thank you's and sorry's that I need to say but if I do so, it will surely sound like an award show or something and no, I don't want that and neither do you.

I seriously need to change my Love Affair section. People have been complaining that they're not it in. Fuck, I should not say I Love You freely anymore now.

Mr Doctor, I'll be seeing you tomorrow. Long queues and sick people. Erghhh!

2007-06-18T11:35:00.001+08:00

I've read my previous post and majorities of it seems chirpy. It seems a bit off. Fake.

I've been talking to a few un/significant people lately. I conjured up that I've been relatively sensitive than I usually was. I'm easily hurt by a measly tease or in-your-face-jokes. Surprisingly, I don't hold any grudges except for gulping it all down, move on and smile after a few minutes or so. It hurts, yes.

People say I'm becoming too soft. I give in too much. I do too many favors for people while having none of the benefits. Yet I'm becoming more independent. I tend to do stuffs alone, claimed a few close friends. Whereas, some of them thinks that I'm giving them the cold shoulders. I don't disagree that I've been on a short much-needed-hiatus. On the other hand, my parents thinks I'm becoming more of a workaholic.

These past two weeks of my holidays, 5 days a week, I've been burying myself with work, closing most of the times. Till one of my partner told me straight to my face, "What? You have no nightlife is it?"

I have and I don't bother myself with it.

I'm isolating my social life, outside life, home and personal problems by working long hours till I'm dead beat. Yes, that's how my life's been these two weeks and you might think that I have no life. Well, I think so too.

Wake up, work, wake up, work, wake up, work.

The sad part is, the main thing I'm isolating myself from is actually bugging me everyday. Every part of the day in fact. Even when I'm just sitting down having my 10 minutes break.

Reading For One More Day by Mitch Albom hasn't been much of a help actually. Somehow, its making me feel more guilty. Great.

Somehow, I feel anxious when I'm having my off days. Most probably, I'm not used to the fact that I won't be recalling drinks, pulling the perfect espresso shots and doing prep work this two months since school has officially started as of two and a half hours ago.

To add it up, I'm going down to Starbucks Wisma first thing right after school ends today.
Someone just made a splendid idea of queueing up for two hours just to get donuts. Wow.

2007-06-13T20:26:00.000+08:00

Finally, I managed to stay home for atleast one day. And yes, I find it such a big deal for me and my family as I've not been home much nowadays. So much for this two weeks being a school holiday, they say.

Fuck yeah I'm proud of myself.

2007-06-11T16:42:00.000+08:00

Fuck. I think I got up from the wrong side of the bed today.

& I was really looking forward to splurging my cash at Cityhall.
&& Today is like the only day that I can find the time to do so.
&&& I'm fucking pissed off that I can't do that now.
&&&& I'm meeting Asnawi later on.
&&&&& Mean as I may sound, but I'm not looking forward to it.
&&&&&& Everyone's pissing me off, when actually they're not.
&&&&&&& Seriously, I'm not in the mood to talk.
&&&&&&&& Since I'm nice, I'm going to meet my friends real soon.
&&&&&&&&& I'm hungry and I still haven't shower.
&&&&&&&&&& I'm still fucking pissed!

2007-06-08T05:36:00.000+08:00

Just as I reached home from work, brother is leaving for work. I miss him since I'm rarely at home nowadays. When he's home, I'm not. When I'm home, he's not. And sister toooooo! Omg, I think the last time I saw her was errrrrrrrr last week I think? Sumpah I cannot remember.

Anyhoos, yes, it's 5AM plus in the morning and I've reached home. Work was okayyy today. Someone just had to complain about the previous closing duties. Please, give us a freaking break damn it. We only had 2 closers and imagine the rush we had to go through? Even Uncle was making a big fuss cause we're late even after asking for a 15 minutes delay. Though I manage make him not to complain by giving him tonsss of pastries! =P

Accompanied Omar to study for his POA test which starts in a few hours time. We eventually had supper at Mcdonalds and we were practically talking about whose going to get married first/last, whose going to be successful and even how long is your wedding going to be?

Goddddd the music there was H-O-R-R-I-B-L-E!

I miss my girls. Seeing Fa-izah dropping by at work just now was sweet of her! I love you babe.

2007-06-07T02:08:00.000+08:00

A bunch of ice cubes from the ice machine left a painful meaty scar on my arm.

dksgflurhg;rleigubur

People have been fussing and stressing themselves with an evil disease outbreak the Ministry Of Education have invented to torture them with. They call it and/or known as EXAMINATIONS.

Fuck. Just when I thought I could escape it for a period of 3 years since I'm a student in RP. Then Tini and Jerome thought that it'll be a splendid idea that I join Faizal, Aishah and Belle to the next Coffee Master Challenge on either July (claimed Tini and Jerome) or August (claimed Hakim and my brother).

That means....... STUDYYYYYYYYYY!

Please, my UT has been disastrous. From the grades that I've look up (which was a month ago I think) I got an E for a module I can't remember which.

I seriously don't know when I can pick a time where I can sit and study about coffee and retail items.

I'm starting school next next week and there's a chalet Farhandy and Awi planned.

So yeah, I'll be schooling on weekdays 9-4.30PM and most probably rush to Wisma to catch up on coffee shitzos after school and working on weekends.

And mind you, I've been working for almost everyday this week and not to mention next week.

I'm turning into a workaholic and I find it very pleasing to my soul, I think.

On a lighter note, things between N and me has been fairly better.

Great, something I just need at a very right time.

OMFG LAH, WHEN IS MY REAL HOLIDAY?

LIKE SERIOUSLY!

2007-06-05T22:28:00.000+08:00

Run Rabbit, Run, Run, Run.

I NEED SHOPPING.

AND OATMEAL COOKIES.

So affection fade away, and do adults learn to play the most ridiculous, repulsive games?

2007-06-01T14:42:00.000+08:00

It's raining, well not yet. Coming soon. And to think that I have to drag myself to BMC with Farhandy to fetch my dear lover boy from school. So much for seeing them 15 hours ago. My gut feelings tells me that there's going to be a huge merajuk session if we didn't fetch him in 1 and a half hours time. Hey, having J merajuk with the whole store - and I'm still wondering what the hell did I do - yesterday was quite a handfull to handle. So sad, a guy that hot can be such a turn off. Still, toast milk? I have a banana with vanilla in it? Where can you find such a person who would start off a converstion with " So, what kind of milk do you like? "

Sigh, boys.

2007-05-29T23:11:00.000+08:00

Phrase of the week: "If Gabriel was older than me, I would have turn straight!" Yvonne.

I don't care if you're going overseas elsewhere. I don't care if you don't want to go KL. I don't even care if you only have $50 to spare. I want to go overseas, out of Singapore, anywhere, as long as I don't have to be in Singapore and I'm dragging you, Syed Omar Bin Syed Haydar Alsree, along with me!

P.S. I'm seriously considering Girl's Soccer IG. Hmm..

2007-05-28T09:59:00.000+08:00

A 20 cents tooth gap under that killer smile.

Soccer was a blast. Well, not that entirely. A few of "well-known" Sleague players and coaches came down to Siglap for a soccer clinic and Suhana being Suhana, came down to sebok-sebok.

Adi Salleh. I tell you, this 31 year old man made my butt cramp the whole freaking time at work yesterday and up till now. Was it worth it?

Hell yeah! Okay, I don't know if I'm perasaan-ing right here but I swear he was flirting with me. Indirectly.

So, he trained the four goalkeepers available including me. Did a couple of divings and ball catching. Damn, not playing soccer for more than 5 months now I realise how much I need to practice again. And who else can coach me intensively and very effectively? Daniel Ong. And his soccer teammate is my almost everyday's modules class/teammate.

Me: Checking my leg while Noor Ali from SAFFC was talking to us girls.

Adi: Came up to me in a very worried face.. Are you okay? And offered to take a look at it.

Me: I brush the dirt off my legs, look up to him (I think I was doing the puppy-face-look without realising it) and in a slumber tone.... Gatal arh....

Adi: He smiled and laughed.

And there was this part where we had a match and I chose the other goalpost. Mind you, he actually walk from the opposite side of the field and came to my goalpost. Instead of focusing on the ball, I was focusing on the little conversation we had.

Guess who guess who guess who came down.....

Cannot take it.... I thought who siaa this Mat anyhow go inside field sekali I look closely

INDRA SHAHDAN ARHHHHHH!

I should start doing Closing more. More ghost stories from the thin, fat and fatter transit uncles and minus the butt cramps please!

And Jerome, So terribly sorry about the 2.30PM promise. =)

2007-05-24T21:39:00.000+08:00

Grant my last request,
and just let me hold you.
Don't shrug your shoulders,
lay down beside me.
Sure I can accept that we're going nowhere,
but one last time just go there,
lay down beside me.

Oh I've found, that I'm bound to wander down that one way road.
And I realise all about your lies but I'm no wiser than the fool I was before.

I just want you closer, is that alright?
Baby let's get closer tonight.

2007-05-22T11:52:00.000+08:00

I didn't attend school yesterday due to the fact that I woke up in a cold sweat and experiencing a terrible stomachache at 1-freaking-AM in the morning. Mum advised me to cook myself some oats. So at 2AM, with my very bacen face, I was in the kitchen cooking myself some oats and I accidentally added evaporated milk instead of sweetened creamer. Yeuwch.

And right this minute, I'm pigging out in brother's bed. I woke up at 10AM and decided not to go to school because it takes me hours to get ready. So it will be better if I just stayed in, finish up watching Season 1 of Ugly Betty and tag along sister to the hospital later at noon.

I miss walking aimlessly with my best-gay-friends.
Mind you, Awi made me walk to Bugis from Cityhall and we got lost somewhere in Orchard.

Now, I realise that family time is a luxury nowadays.
I miss dad, hope he's doing well and I'm praying that the operation will be a smooth one.
Triple bypass and I don't even know what the hell it is. Everyone's been telling me that it's a major operation. That helps a lot okay people, thanks ehhhh!

2007-05-20T00:39:00.001+08:00

A robot has no feelings.
And I'm one.
Haha fuck it...

2007-05-19T00:00:00.000+08:00

I FREAKING LOVE THE BIRTHDAY BOY!

2007-05-18T22:39:00.000+08:00

I hate the current lifestyle I'm having. Schooling same time, same hours, everyday and working on the weekends. This is the part I'll say I'm tired and I need a fucking break.

I can never priorities my time wisely. I'm a sucker, I know.

Hana Barbara darling, cepat kidnap me to Bangkok!

Next week is the week I've been dreading. 22 May 2007, the day I don't wish to happen but it has to go on no matter what the circumstances. I want to be there for my family. For my dad especially. No matter how irregular his PMS will be and how pissed I'll end up, I love him. Always do and always did. Please pray for him dear friends. Pray that everything would be fine. Pray, that as a family, we'll get through this.

Shits are still shits. It's still happening. As fuck up as it is but you tell me, What's new? God, give me a break. I swear I didn't sign up for this.

Dear boy, from the abscence that has happened before us, I realise I love you. Surprisingly, more than I expect it to be. I'm half-surprised and disheartened by the things I heard about you. As much as I try not to think about it or think about you, I find it impossible for me not to. I really don't know what's going on here and what you actually want? I'm here, as fuck-up as my life is right now, I try to understand and you should try that too. If not, please let me go even if i have to beg, I'll be willing to.

I hate the drama I have to go through. A bitchy one indeed. But whatever, I'm too tired to care. And fuck running! I'm so through with it.

AKFGYWR;GTWEOIGHL/WERHGIE/;R

I LOVE MY FELLOW EX-CLASSMATES AND ONE DEAR PIG TODAY, MY DAYTONA PARTNERS AT SCHOOL AND CLASSMATES, AND THE PEOPLE I WAS WORKING WITH YESTERDAY!

2007-05-17T13:57:00.000+08:00

I need Max Brenner, a dramatic haircut and sleep.

Knowing that my games collection in my laptop is increasing at such a rapid rate, I bet I will have trouble paying attention in class. You tell me, how can I ever work when I know Daytona, Football Manager and Super Mario is accessible from my desktop?

2007-05-16T14:28:00.000+08:00

I'm cooped up in brother's room after much sweeping, moping and vacuuming it. I'm one happy girl but not till I sat on the study chair and the condition of the floor is back to square one!

Damnit, I give up.

I'm going to study since I can't find my sketchbook to get my current artsy mind to put in good use.

And Amelia babe, don't laugh !

2007-05-15T22:51:00.000+08:00

The morning breakfast boy.

You were the reason that I went to school everyday with an accomplished grin on my face, even at 7 in the morning back in my secondary school days.

And you, yes you, made me realise today that there's more to life than waiting.

You've made my day yet again, without fail. =)